would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
