My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
