he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
