I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
