Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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