Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
