I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
