Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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