omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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