If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
