direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
