So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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