just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
