Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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