so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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