idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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