i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize