He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
