I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
