Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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