Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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