So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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