If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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