I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
