i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
