Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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