It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
