So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
