We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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