my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
