Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
