I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
