your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
