the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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