shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
