ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
