was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
