I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
