I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
