If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
