You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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