Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well you can't waste a boner
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
