So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
