You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
