I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They have beer where we have blood.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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