So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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