Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
