Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
