I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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