At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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