All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
