I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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