I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
