I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize