So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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