did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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