im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
