onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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