K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
