i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
