If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I could fuck to npr.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
