My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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