he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
