Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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