why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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