I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
