I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
