I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just tell him i said nine months
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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