Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
