it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
