yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
