Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
