i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
