Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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