Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
