What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know her cup size but not her name....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
