My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize