and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
