my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have aggressive nipples.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
