i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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