It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
