no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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