my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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