Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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