she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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