Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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