and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
