'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
third nipple confirmed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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