walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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