turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
