Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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